Adventures of the Mini Star Wars
by Wind Wanderer
Summary: Funny does not explain this fic anough. If you want to see funny situations of the Cast and some bashing come on in. Rated just to be safe.
1. THe Emperor stole my blanky!

I do not own Star Wars in any form, way, or reason. T-T I am only a fan. Now that you smashed my dreams go read. And review to make me happy you dream smashers.

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**Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away. Actually it was not that far away but it sounds better this way so that is how I will say it, there was a boy named Luke. Now we all know that this guy will one day grow up to be a powerful Jedi and rid the galaxy of the emperor. But once he was a kid and had a very strange adventure. And this is that story.**

Little Luke sat at the kitchen table with his Aunt and Uncle eating dinner one night. It was the usual muck and blue milk crap as they had every night. And as every night the same argument began,

"I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO BED!"

Luke and Owen glared at each other across the table. One could feel the tension between the grown man and this seven year old child, and the sad part was that Luke was winning. Wither it was his amazing Jedi powers or simple being smarter then the farmer is anyone's guess.

"GO TO BED!"

"NO!"

"PLEASE GO TO BED!"

"NO"

"Luke," Beru stepped in as Owen looked ready to strangle his nephew, "Go to bed sweety."

And, since Beru was the only one Luke will listen to, he said, "OK Aunt Beru," and thus he skipped off to bed, ignoring his uncle's tears of frustration.

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After brushing his teeth and putting on his pod speeder pajamas, little Luke walked into his room. The moment he entered the room he knew something was wrong. Looking around he saw what was amiss, HIS BLANKY WAS GONE! His special, Quato Bird blanky was not on his bed.

Searching the room, he did not find it in the toy chest, the hamper, under the bed or even in the garbage can. A knock and many curse words were heard from the closet. Walking to it slowly, Luke opened the door to find…Emperor Palpatine standing inside, rubbing his head. Now since Luke was a kid and did not care yet about the Empire or anything all he noticed was that the old Sith Lord held his precious blanky in his hand!

"HEY THAT'S MINE!" Luke yelled as he jumped for the cover.

"HAHA! IT IS MINE NOW!" yelled the Emperor in a very out of character yell of glee. He reached behind him and pulled a rip cord and went whizzing out of the window with is jet pack.

* * *

Most children would give up and cry if one of the greatest evils in the universe had just stolen their blanky and would accept it, but not Luke. No he had a secret weapon. He ran out of the house and jumped into the mini speeder he had built in secret and went flying off behind the Emperor, and let me say that not even the notorious driving of Anakin Skywalker could compare to the speed that kid was going and that is saying something.

In a few minutes Luke had caught up with Palpatine and was racing beside him. The old man and young child stared each other down as they flew down a gorge. The Tuskin Raiders that stood around the rim of the gorge did not shoot at them though; they were too preoccupied laughing their masks off at the spectacle. Palpatine growled that a child was keeping up with him and decided to do the rash. He pushed a little red button. Even in the future little red buttons all meant the same thing, going ridiculously faster then anyone needs to go. The Emperor launched forward at amazing speed, his cheeks blown open with the force.

"AHHHHHHH!" Luke yelled as he was hit by saliva, "OLD COOTIES!"

Sadly because of this distraction he lost site of the Emperor and his blanky.

* * *

Palpatine giggled like a little girl when he finally landed in front of his ship, his hot pink and bunny covered ship. If you did not know this fact let me tell you; the Emperor is a fruity old man. Now everyone knows that but few knew that he suffered from great envy of girls. Ever since he was young he wanted to be one. But since he was a Sith he was never aloud to express himself. That is why he stole the blanket, to finish his collection of fluffy cute things.

"NOW I WILL BE THE MOST POWERFUL OF ALL!" he cackled merrily.

"NOT SO FAST NERF HEAD!"

Spinning he found Luke standing behind him, standing on his speeder that looked like it had hit a few walls very hard. Palpatine was intimidated by his because he was stupid likeall people that want universal conquest. Everyone knows that anything outside of your own galaxy is just being greedy.

"Ah, I see you have arrived my young adversary."

"Yeah, now gimme!" Luke yelled.

"NEVER!" Palpatine screamed like a spoiled child, clutching the cloth.

"Well it's mine so there," Luke stated his childish logic.

"Darn I can't fight with that."

Luke's face lit up, "So you'll give me my blanky back?"

"NO AHAHAHA!" he waved the blanket above his head.

Suddenly Luke looked him in the eyes and said, "You want to give me my blanket,"

The Emperor's eyes glazed over and he talked like a zombie, "I want to give you your blanket."

"You are a doo doo head,"

"I am a doo doo head,"

"Hand the blanky here."

"Here you go," he said as he handed he blanket over.

"Now get on your ship, moon every ship you pass and don't remember anything.

"ok," he said as he walked up the ramp. He took off to be arrested for indecent exposure which Vader had to get him out of, much to the younger Sith's amusement.

"YAY!" Luke yelled in happiness as he cuddled his blanky and turned to go home.

Years later Luke Skywalker stood before the Emperor. For some unknown reason Palpatine wanted a bird, cover and a moon pie.

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Hehe, this is the first of a few fics making fun of the Star Wars crew and just having fun. Don't flame me, I love Star wars too. I just wanted to make fun of it. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! 


	2. The Phantom Spinage

I do not own Star Wars, but I can dream. And I do not own Lela from Futurama or Mace's teddy undies and the Exorcist comment (they are from the story Pranks by Smenzer). To my first three reviewers of the first chapter,

Link the Courageous- Here you go. Sorry but you'll have to wait for Han, Leia and Vader (I'm working on two, Han Has to go Potty and Leia VS the Kiddnappers, possibly Chewie's Chew Toy Adventure, though) but here is an Ani & Obi one.

Arwen Skywalker- (clamps hands, eyes sparkling) Oh you made me so happy! Here is a new one, I hope you like it.

Star Wars nut- Awesome, down with Palpi. He wanted Luke's blanky because he is an idiot and it was fluffy. I kill for fluffy things. (Shoves a body behind a corner) But maybe it was a fond childhood memory? Quato Bird is like Big Bird. That and I hate him and want him to suffer, this more bashing in this chapter too! -

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It was a quiet and peaceful day at the Jedi Temple. Knights, Masters, and Padawans walked through the corridors, meditated in the gardens, trained in the practice courts and the cafeteria staff where running around with their underwear on their heads but that is another story entirely. Now beside the mentally disturbed food servers, two very frisky blue jays and a single homicidal bunny out for blood almost everyone was content.

All except one Anakin Skywalker.

You see the future Sith Lord was having a problem. And no it was not the fact that he would one day be the puppet of Pulpi-weeny and would have to bale him out of prison for mooning or that one day he would be hit on by a very scary little green alien named Yattle. No, it was that his stupid master would not let him have dessert. He had been _mostly_ good this time; well as long as you did not count the time he took a joy ride in a stolen 4895 Stargrazer, the newest and fastest sport ship around, or the time he_ accidentally_ poured itching powder into the Temple laundry or when he hung Mace's teddy bear boxers from the Senate Buildings roof or the time…uh, well these were still not the reason for the dessert ban.

Despite the vision of good Master/Padawan relations that everyone thought they had, the two had been having a silent war of epic proportions brewing. You see Ani would not eat his spinage. Like all young people he hated the green slime with a passion only rivaled by cooties and homework, damn homework I will destroy you yet!

Well lets face it he had a point. Ani had lived ten years without eating the stuff on Tattoine. Why eat it now when you can live without it?

That night Anakin had made a daring move when he levitated the evil mush out of the window. He had been very smug at his success till he bit into the spinage burger.

"Grr, stupid Master. I'll show him…" suddenly a little light bulb turned on above his head.

"Excuse me," said a random Jedi that walked past carrying a lamp in the air.

From a deep, dark place where only the insane and evil know about, a plan came to the surface. Ani tried to smirk evilly but he only succeeded in making a fish face. Then he laughed manically but since he was not evil yet, he choked.

* * *

Later that day Obi and Yoda were walking down a hall together.

"Like totally digging the Yoda, she was. Loving my speech, she did. Signed her bra, I did."

"Uh Master Yoda, I really don't want to here about some woman that thinks you're sexy. I get bad images." Obi shuddered at the thought of the little green cutie pie being surrounded by busty women, while dressed in tight black leather.

As they turned the corner they ran into a very big sign and fell over.

"DOWN WITH VEGETABLES! DOWN WITH SPINAGE!" Anakin's voice was heard from the middle of a big mob of Padawans and youngsters.

"What is going on?" Mace Windu asked as he came up behind the two other Jedi.

"This is a protest against the cruel and unusual torture of Spinage and other such vegetables," Ani cried over his megaphone.

"Really?" Mace smiled happily as he ran over to the mob, "I'M WITH YOU SKYWALKER!" he was greeted with cheers and embraces.

"What is happening?" Palpi asked as he walked up behind the two Jedi. He had a spinage sandwich in his hands.

"SPINAGE! GET HIM!"

The mob of children and master swarmed over the Chancellor like ants of doom. When they backed away Palpi had been striped to his black briefs and was duct taped to a pole upside down.

Obi-wan looked at Palpatine oddly then ignored him, "NO! ANAKIN HAS TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE! NOW I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT HIM IN A VOLCANO WHILE YELLING THINGS I DON'T MEAN THEN STEAL HIS CHILDREN!"

"Quiet, I say," Yoda hit Obi with his stick, "Possessed, your apprentice is. To the holo room we go, watch documentary on Exorcism we will."

"Master Yoda I do not think that the 'Exorcist' is a documentary," Obi-wan said but still followed the small green man.

"Hm, phase one completed. Now one to two. Hehehe, hahaha, Mwahhok koff!" Anakin had again tried to laugh evilly but had again chocked. He needs serious practice. He walked off as the mob moved on to the cafeteria in order to storm the kitchen. They were promptly chased away by the disgruntled workers who threw slabs of meat at them.

Palpatine hung from his taped cocoon, watching everyone leave, "Help, please?"

* * *

Anakin snuck into the temple theater. Normally you could only see documentaries about cheese, old sci-fi films and once a week the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' which, ironically was still a cult classic and a corner stone of the Jedi Order. It was one of the most horrifying and fascinating rituals of the Order that no one, other then that pesky Lucus man that always hangs around, have seen.

Ani snickered as he pulled out a remote. Waiting for the right moment, he pushed a button just before the pee soup moment of the film. Just as the girl started to spin her head a human looking droid burst through the screen. It too spun its head and spit out spinage on the viewers.

"AHH! DEMON!" one jedi yelled, cowering under his chair.

"ACK!" yelled another who was covered in the greens.

"SITH ATTACK!" a few of the paranoid Jedi, all of which promptly attacked the droid, except that when they drew close they all rammed into each other and fell down.

Obi, greatly disturbed, left the theater.

"Mwahaha. Hey I did it! MWAH-" the stupid boy coughed again.

* * *

Obi stepped into a local dinner for lunch. The kitchen hands had moved to barricade the whole west wing, throwing fish and mystery meat at anyone that came close. After ordering Obi looks over to see a girl walk in dressed in black.

"ALL JUJUBEE KNIGHTS BOW BEFORE MY WILL!"

"Why should we?" asked some random Jedi.

"BECAUSE THE POWER OF THE PANCAKE COMMANDS IT!" she held up a pancake with gumdrops stuck to it to form a frowny face.

"All hail the pancake!" cried the Jedi's while they groveled before the Mighty Pancake. One even brought out a Jawa for a living sacrifice.

"What is wrong with everyone today?"

* * *

Back at the temple.

Dooku stood on the roof beside the water tank pouring pixy sticks and sugar into the water, "Mwahaha, so come to the power of the sugar!"

Dooku threw his head back to laugh but fell off the roof when a random flying lobster smacked him in the face.

Palpatine looked at Dooku who lay before him, also upside down with a big rip in the back of his pants showing Barney undies.

"Help?"

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Obi-wan shook his head; maybe it was best if he had missed his coffee break if everyone was acting like this. Someone must have put something in there.

The young Jedi took a bite of his BLT. He chewed for a minute then spit it out onto that cone headed Master. Yes, sitting there gleaming smugly at him from between the bread was indeed spinage.

Anakin and the girl giggle, yes giggle as they watch the bearded Jedi spit out the evil substance. "Ha, phase two complete. Thanks,"

"Ah, I love making evil plots work," she said as Ani tried an evil laugh again. "NO! You have to laugh from the gut, the gut!"

The two laughed together, "MWAHAHAHAHA!"

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Anakin walked into their apartment, happy at his victory. After this his master would never try to feed him spinage again. Grabbing an apple from the table he took a big bite.

"YUCK!" looking at the apple he found that it was only a fake skin covering a wad of spinage. "CURSE YOU MASTER!"

* * *

out in the court yard.

"SOME ONE HELP ME!" palpatine cried as the homicidal bunny drew closer, a clever in one fuzzy paw.

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Years later Anakin stood before Palpatine, trying to deside to turn or not.

"You can save Padme," the old fart ball said.

"I don't know…there are lots of other fish in the universe. In fact I saw this really hot chick with one eye named Lela."

The soon to be emperor blinked, "You can destroy all the Sand People."

"Naw, I'm good. Already put the fear of god in em."

"Um, you can destroy all the spinage farms," Palpi tried in a last ditch chance.

"HELL YEAH! Dark side here I come!"

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Hey! Don't get mad at me for this, it has been buisy this summer. I had to go to Arizona by car from Pennslvania to visit my uncle then working all the time. Working sucks! Anyways I hope you liked it.

Hey, if you wanna see something funny go to and check out 'The Movie Spoof 2" it is a hilarious fan film.


	3. Leia VS the Kidnappers

WAHH! I CAN'T ANSWER THE REVIEWS! put up a new rule against it. (pouts) Anyways just know that I am happy for the reviews I get.

I don't own star Wars, but I do own a digital Yoda pet! If only I knew where it was…

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Leia VS the Kidnappers.

On the big blue ball that is known as Alderboom, ups I mean Alderaan, there was a princess. And like other princess' this girl was a tad bit spoiled…

"I WANNA SUNDAY!" little Leia screamed at the top of her seven year old lungs.

Okay, so she was very spoiled. Of course we all know that Leia will someday grow out of this phase and be one kick ass rebel but know she is nothing but a spoiled brat who is about to face a strange trial.

The Talk with her foster father.

Few know this fact but Bail Organa was the overprotective type of parent. Which was why we find the two out on a balcony.

"Now Leia, tell me what you learned." Bail asked.

"Don't let myself get caught by little green men who talk backwards, Sith Lords with breathing problems, and never fall for scruffy nerf-herders." Leia said happily.

"That's my girl." Bail said before heading off to his Rebel Anonymous meating. And no, that is not a typo; they were in fact playing with slabs of meat as replicas of Empire forces.

Leia was now alone and bored. Since her nurse was out at the Saloon on the second moon she had no one to pester. Deciding to go find something to do, she snuck past the drunken guards and into the city. Little did she know that she was being followed by shadowy stalkers. Hard to figure out whom they are huh?

Right after Leia passed the frozen food stall the stalkers attacked, throwing a yellow pillowcase with little purple lightsabers on it over her and dragging her into a building with the words, "Kidnappers Hide Out, no Cops aloud".

Dropping the princess out of the stupid pillowcase, the kidnappers commence with doing a happy victory dance that is a mix of the Macarena and the Chicken dance. Their all dressed in pink shirts and hula skirts for some reason that even the maddest minds could not figure out.

"Where am I" Leia asked looking all cute. But behind the cute face was a sinister plot.

"Our secret hideout." One of the guys answered.

"Why?"

"Because with you as our hostage the King will have to give into our demands to release the coconuts from captivity and back into the wild!" the man cried, striking a heroic pose as he pointed at a large yellow spot in the ceiling.

"Why?"

"Because they have suffered persecution and degradation under the hand of the strawberry loving government!"

"Why?"

"Because the strawberries think they can just step all over coconuts just because they come from trees instead of bushes."

"Why?"

The guy seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown, "Cause that is where they come from."

"Why?"

"Cause when a mommy coconut loves a dadd-" he stopped, "Why am I answering you, you're the hostage."

"Cause if you don't the deranged purple cat will eat you," Leia stated as if one of the most obvious of facts.

"Hah! What do you think we are? Idiots?"

"Yes."

OoO

Back at the castle, Leia's nanny Mrs. Puffnfresh returned home from the phyc- I mean the saloon. You see since her mother died and her dad was away a lot, the poor woman had to take care of the demon child.

"Where is the princess?" she asked one of the hung over guards.

"Uh, I think she escaped from under our nose, ran into the city and got kidnapped by morons in hula skirts. But that is only a guess."

At that moment, because of the deteriorating ozone layer and a meteor which fell at that moment to kill an entire city and one very depressed clown, the clouds parted and sent a beam of deadly uv infused happy light upon the woman.

Then, to make the woman's day even better, Padme herself rose from the dead and walked through the gates, "I'm here for my daughter. I'll hold her, and pet her, and call her George."

Alas it was not meant to be for right then the gate, fueled by voodoo curses cast by many fans who blamed Padme for Anakin's fall, fell on top of her so she was squished into a bloody pancake. Then was eaten by blood thirsty pigeons.

Mrs. Puffnfresh looked up to the heavens and screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

OoO

"RAAR!"

The kidnappers cowered in the corner in fear of the child. Having found a bag of powdered sugar and a king sized chocolate bar, she was now on a bad sugar rush. The men hugged each other in fear as the little girl tore furnisher apart while foaming at the mouth.

"STUPID PINK SHIRT MEN! SEND OUT THE GIRL WITH HER HANDS UP!"

They all ran out in tears to escape the evil that was a Sith's hyper daughter. Before she was finally sedated five cities were destroyed and one very angry cow was kicked.

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not very funy, I know but I will try harder! Yes I do blame Padme. I like Leia so I did not torture her as much as others. REVIEW TO MAKE THE DERANGED PURPLE CAT HAPPY! 


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